Tuesday, September 8, 2009
To Whom It May ConcernHello. My name is Dylan Yeo. 2 years ago I was a cheerful person who was well-liked by most people. I did well in my everyday school life and scored well for my tests and examinations. My family loved me and I barely had memories of getting into severe arguments with any of them.
I liked music and was easily satisfied with whatever I had, brushing aside attempts made by my more wealthy friends to intimidate me with whatever expensive items they had.
I was Happy.
1 year ago I moved to a new class. That very day was a terrible blow to my self esteem. However, seeing as my other (new)classmates were very talkative and humorous, I had free entertainment almost on a daily basis. I even made a few close friends that are still as close, if not closer, as before. And to top that off, I shone brighter as my peers were more playful and thus I clinched a higher position in class as compared to that of the previous year.
Also, as an added bonus, I was at my peak in my CCA. Judo became a part of my life and I loved it. That is the most important thing to consider. Loving what you do. I was fit, I was well known, I was well-liked.
I was Strong.
January 1, 2009.
This year, I feel as though I am slowly fading away from the face of the Earth. No one really cares about what I do now. Things are changing. For the better or worse I am still unsure of. But one thing is certain. The route there will be treacherous and rough. Nothing will be easy. Am I prepared? Will I be able to make it through till the end with a smile on my face?
The past few months have not been easy. Failing tests, late nights, frequent arguments with my loved ones, growing unhealthy and most importantly, losing my smile.
I am no longer the happy, easy-going, joking Dylan that people used to know and love. I want to go back. Please.
This could be the fault of hormones and puberty. But what if it isn't? What if it's just me? I don't expect whoever is reading this to feel pitiful or sad for me. Cause it won't matter. Slowly but surely I am losing the will to carry on. Sometimes I see an image in my head of a bright future of happy faces and strong wills. But I guess our imagination is too perfect.
I am sad
BOTTLED 11:41 AM l
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Monday, September 7, 2009
You'll be surprisedToday marks the start of the study week. Time to give myself a kick in the ass and hit the books. Woke up at 730am today for chem in school. Although I can't really say it was productive, but it certainly was better than me sleeping all the way til 12pm or even 2pm. After all, i DID sleep at 2am last night... (the power of afternoon coffee).
Anyways, it's time to study. I can't let them down. 120% time.
BOTTLED 3:11 PM l
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Why Don't You Just Go homeI never asked to meet you. Neither did I not want to meet you. This is going to sound a little weird. But I hate how nice you are. How seemingly carefree your life is, albeit the little bumps that dissolve through the week. But alas, there is a huge thorn in my ass.
I don't see how you can live your life like this. How can you do this everyday and not feel guilty. Why drag me into your 'fun' everyday and screw my life up so subtly? I should have listened to her. I should have listened to her. I should have listened to her.
Never did I expect so much to change in such a short time span of about 6-7 months. Why me. I guess this could just be puberty, but I can't blame everything on hormones right? Right. The reason as to why my life is like this is still unknown to mankind, but I have a theory. And that theory is that I'm such an idiot that I can't even control myself. Home is a wonderful place. Home is Sweet, hence the popular phrase," HOME SWEET HOME." But recently Home hasn't really been Sweet. Quite the opposite for that matter. The probability of Death is high, and I am ever so tempted to boost that probability to 100%, but then again, that'd be pretty stupid considering how much I'm risking.
Music was never my 'thing'. But after a certain string of events that occurred, I am suddenly deeply interested in playing the Guitar. That could be my downfall. Along with the Computer, Rock Band 1/2 , Guitar Hero: World Tour etc. Where has my Discipline gone to? Is it under my bed? Is it hidden among my clothes? Could it even be in that dusty shoe box lying in the dark corner of the storeroom? I don't know. I really don't know. As much as I would LOVE to know, I don't. Discipline, I have lost. But the ability to grow a New Discipline still resides within me. It's time to focus now. This is crucial for my future. That much I understand. But it's the Process that really bites me. Sacrifice and concentration aren't a few of my good attributes. But I can try.
How did I turn out like this? WHEN did I turn out like this? WHY did I turn out like this? No idea. But I have to change. For the better. CONCENTRATE. FOCUS. LET IT GO. LET IT ALL GO. I'm sorry guys. But this is the way it was meant to be.
See you again in 30+/- days.
BOTTLED 7:57 PM l
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Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I tear my Heart open, I sew myself shut.This is what happens when you mess with nature. Bitch.
BOTTLED 7:58 PM l
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