Thursday, June 10, 2010
I'm so glad i left you people. I can now clearly see what i would have become had i stayed on in that pit that he has created. I pity the peripheral souls. For they suffer unecassarily .
BOTTLED 10:22 PM l
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Thursday, June 3, 2010
This uneasiness i feel within me is most definitely disturbing. I thought i had let it all go a couple months ago, but now it seems to be haunting me. Again. For the 6th time. Can someone just make it all go away? I'm supposed to have forgotten everything. I'm supposed to have given up on everything. I'm supposed to stop hoping. I'm supposed to be alright.
But i'm not, and i don't know why it still makes me feel this way. I need someone i can talk to. But i don't wanna deprive others the chance to spend their time for more worthy things.
Sigh.
BOTTLED 5:09 PM l
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Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I've been spending my time everyday telling myself that the prelims are barely 3 weeks away and that i should really really really start studying now. But somehow or rather i can't sit myself down at the desk, open up a book, pick up a pen, and actually get some work done. I don't blame them but my friends aren't exactly helping either. Oh shit, this is reminds me of 2009. Shit. Shit. Shit. I have to detach myself before it's too late. I love my friends. I don't know what they really think about me but even if it's not exactly the most pleasant thought, they still give me a reason to come to school. School is my life. And we all claim that we hate school and the fact that we have to wake up so damn early just to make it before morning assembly starts. But the truth is that we all love school, our friends and maybe some teachers too. I've gotta put my distractions away. Put some of my closer friends aside. At least for now.
Recently there's been a spate of nerf-ness in the class. Ah yes ming kang... God of Influence. Now I kinda wish i went for that nerf gun competition thing last year. Sigh. Looking back at this entire year, i just realized how volatile life can be. The surrounding environment may seem permanent to you now, but if you take a closer look, many things are changing. Cliques are remade, impressions change and certain ill-intentions surface. I don't know what to think sometimes. And when i actually decide to do some thinking, i end up lying to myself. And believing it.
I kinda miss my past lives. All my previous friends. But one thing i noticed was that they all shared one thing in common. They made me feel wanted. Like i was a part of something, and that nothing would ever break us apart. We were supposed to be best friends, never to argue and never to be separated. But look at where we are now. Some of us dont even see eye to eye anymore. You were alright when we were in sec 2. I didn't know you in sec 2, i was too afraid to know you in sec 2, i didn't see the need to know you in sec 2. Do note that all the "you's" you see in the previous sentence are all different people. We were supposed to be the best group of friends in the whole world.
But as time passes by, i guess things are as simple as we thought they'd be. My parents were right, but i was/still am too immature to see the reality of the matter. They've always been the ones supporting me when i needed the support, encouraging me when i felt hopeless, giving me golden advice whenever i was doing the wrong thing. But no, i took all of that for granted and ended up in this sorry state. I guess i could try to console myself by saying " That's life, you live and you learn." But i think sometimes it's best to just face the truth. Be a lil pessimistic once in a while. But doesn't every cloud has a silver lining? And i think mushroom clouds count as well. So amidst this disaster of a life i'm living at this moment, i hope that my silver lining would make it's appearance soon.
Am i doing anything wrong? Am i believing a lie? Will you actually be mine? Ah forget it, i'm just a fat and ugly teenage boy. There are many more suitable fish in the ocean and i'm just the lone mud skipper attempting to live a humble yet exciting life. But i guess not all fairytales come true huh?
BOTTLED 10:56 PM l
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