Taped up and ready to go.

2011-08-27T21:35:00.001+08:00

I WANNA HUG YOU YA KNOW?

2011-08-27T21:33:00.001+08:00

I still dont know whats going on. I let you give me a title. I let you do so many things that, if happened back in my early teens, i would've been bound to do something totally stupid and out of line that would have potentially screwed my life up. Sooooooo yeah. Make it clear what you want alright? I'm just gonna sit here and wait.

OH AND SHE DOESNT TREAT YOU LIKE I DOOOOOOOO.

2011-08-24T22:35:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHAH fuck you.

2011-08-20T23:02:00.001+08:00

Um so yeah.... Can i have my heart back please?

2011-08-19T23:22:00.001+08:00

I don't like how i'm thinking now.

2011-08-18T22:29:00.000+08:00

Under normal circumstances (think 3 months ago), I'd be over here telling you to calm your tits and chill the hell out. But now i'm just sitting here. Waiting for you to call on me. Waiting for you.

Giving you a chance.

Giving you your final chance.

2011-08-11T22:50:00.001+08:00

It sucks so much. To not be good in anything anymore.

2011-08-04T20:26:00.001+08:00

This week has been a bitch. Sigh.

2011-07-28T21:51:00.001+08:00

You did this to me

2011-07-25T21:27:00.001+08:00

Honestly speaking I have a perfectly good idea of where I think I wanna go after I graduate from CJ. I'm going to NUS and study to be a doctor.

But what stands between me and my supposed 'dream job' is just this last year before I sit for my A levels that will ultimately decide my fate for at least the next 20 years of my life. I can't afford to let relatively small matters get in my head and screw me up just like that. I need the academic resilience to push on and never falter. I have learnt (the hard way) to not put all my eggs in one emotion basket and to not put my happiness in the hands of another. Because you'll never know when he or she might decide that you don't matter anymore and just cut you out from his or her life.

I am feeling the stress. And it sucks.
Everyone around me is doing better than I am and I must catch up. I have to. And I will.

Dude, save yourself the trouble and just forget it.

2011-06-25T23:15:00.003+08:00

Now i know why the vast majority of girls out there constantly yearn for someone who doesn't judge them and will always be there for her whenever she needs her man. It's funny how guys only experience a similar feeling when they grow up huh? I guess boys can rely on one another the same way a girl would to a man. HAHHAHAHAHA it's so funny how i want a girlfriend now but cant afford to because i know how high the risks are of being in a relationship and having it broken at the worst of times. It didn't even need to be an eros level relationship and it left me, well, unable to function. This has truly shown me how weak and fragile i really am when i put too much faith in someone else other than my closest friends and family. But i can always rely on family to support me.

Sure, there's always the possibility of the unexpected happening, but that's not a good thought for the soul no? 'Sides, i can always count on the people to pretend to care for me. HAHA.

I don't know who to trust anymore. Should i trust those who trust me? Or should i trust without limits and open myself to everyone around me? Chances are i'd take the first option cos, well, it's the natural thing to do.

I want to be everyone's friend. But does everyone want to be my friend? Am i annoying? Am i the friend that no one likes in the group? I never really had an issue with people being fake until i came here. Like seriously, the level of bitchiness has gone up from when i was in st gabs and st mikes (although i cant really remember much from then). OH WELLS!

I shall try to manage life as it comes. BRING IT ON YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

2010-11-10T23:44:00.001+08:00

Is it normal to fear for my life whenever I think I offended someone important in my life?

2010-11-05T12:57:00.001+08:00

Lol!

Did you really think I'd accept that half-assed apology of yours? After all you've done to me and the people around you, you really think something so devoid of sincerity could actually make up for your actions?

HAHA!

I don't know if you're just saying that out of goodwill or what, but do rest assured that you have played a big role in my life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to encounter people of your kind. The insensitive, unreliable, self-centered, money-minded, short tempered piece of shit that you are really opened my eyes to who I should really be considering my friend. HAHA.

Goodbye, loser.

2010-11-03T23:42:00.002+08:00

Pitstop

It's been one hell of a roller-coaster ride these past few weeks. With the 'o' levels and all. I haven't really had the time to just sit down, rest my head, and just think about what i'm gonna be doing after i leave secondary school. But everytime i actually get around to think about what life would be after i leave st gabs, i get slapped with the inherent fear and possibility that i may not actually achieve my goals at the end of my secondary education journey.

I can't even IMAGINE myself in a poly. I don't have enough clothes to wear so that it won't seem like i'm some really poor kid with not enough cash to buy new clothes, i don't really think i can adapt to the whole 'project work' kind of thing and fully accept it as an assessable component of my education, and i feel rather uncomfortable being the only person in my immediate family to ever enroll in a polytechnic.

Sure it's all probably just peer/family/self-inflicted pressure, but it's also a personal goal and mindset that's been with me since forever. Ever since primary school, i always thought that education was as such - nursery > kindergarten > primary > secondary > JC > Uni. But never did i realize that there are many other routes that are available to achieve success in life.

My journey through life thus far has shown me that you don't really need that masters degree or PHD to be happy and successful. All you need is a strong sense of perseverance and strong willpower to be able to overcome any obstacles that stand in your way. People from the ITE are able to be selected for a HARVARD internship. We're talking about someone from the supposed 'lower end' of the education standards spectrum, being selected for such a prestigious program that only the smartest and most recognized people in Singapore can only DREAM about. This shows that you don't need to come from Raffles Institution on HCI to achieve great success in life. This guy didn't work hard in secondary school because he claims that he didnt know what he was studying for, but he found a great interest in science when he entered ITE and since then, he has been working hard for it. I guess you can say it's a passion for science that bloomed a little too late in his life. But hey, he's lucky. An opportunity presented itself at the right moment and he got lucky.

But other factors apart from luck got him this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He has a strong passion and it is this fiery passion that drives him forward.

I can only dream to have half of his fighting spirit and passion to learn and study. But i intend to make up what i lack with effort. And we all know effort usually requires some sacrifices. Damn i think this makes up what i didn't do for lent. HAHA. I had to sacrifice spending more time with my friends cos, well, it's what really really really distracts me.

It's not that their all play and no work. They're all working hard, well most of them, but the ones that i'm closer with just distract me even with their presence. I tend to want to talk to them and crack silly jokes about how certain vice principals should be fired etc etc.

gahhh i should be sleeping now. I have to once again dunk my head under the strangling quicksand of education. Sigh. Well at least i blogged a relatively long one. It's been a while since i typed something to this magnitude anyways. Lol.

2010-11-02T18:42:00.001+08:00

Thanks. For being the exact type of people I'm trying to avoid.

No really, I am filled with nothing but gratitude towards your supposed 'soft' approach with your opening statement that - well honestly - bears no significant moral cushioning to those crushing words that followed.

And it doesn't really help when you have people to agree with you.

Gaaaaahhhh displeasure.

2010-10-30T21:37:00.001+08:00

I made a wise choice.

I feel sorry for you.

But I don't know how to put it across to you without getting you offended and all riled up.

All I can say is,

I hope you think about your future.

And who's gonna be paying for it.

You seek help from me.

You claim that I gave you good advice.

Yet I do not see any improvement in your attitude.

Especially during this critical moment in our lives.

You need a reality check.

You need to see that your actions will not bring you any good.

You need to focus.

And shut the hell up about your problems that wouldn't be problems if you didn't want them to be problems.

2010-10-12T19:46:00.001+08:00

You. Yes you.

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

2010-09-28T22:37:00.001+08:00

Lol losers. You think you're doing the right thing the right way. Well you're all wrong. You're all lying to yourselves, deceiving your conscience with bullshit rationalizations that only lead you astray.

I'm just glad I have proper parents with proper habits with proper parenting skills.

In your over-confident faces, bitches.

:D

Fkshtrn

2010-09-27T22:01:00.001+08:00

You were once one of the people I truly enjoyed my time with. That is, before you turned into the (literally) big fat douche you are today. Please don't flatter yourself by putting yourself as the the person who 'started this craze' and look at the big picture. You're not the only one that can do it well you egoistic assbag.

It kinda saddens me when I look back at all the fun times we shared back when we were your 'bestest friends in the whole wide world'. But then again, you WERE showing signs of being a total dick. With your persistent failing to keep your promises and your horrible family background that you painted for us. At this point in time I don't even know if what I know is the truth cos you're so damn unpredictable.

In anycase, it's either you've changed, of I've just gotten to know the real you.

2010-09-12T09:07:00.001+08:00

Blogger? Meh.

2010-06-10T22:22:00.001+08:00

I'm so glad i left you people. I can now clearly see what i would have become had i stayed on in that pit that he has created. I pity the peripheral souls. For they suffer unecassarily .

2010-06-03T17:09:00.002+08:00

This uneasiness i feel within me is most definitely disturbing. I thought i had let it all go a couple months ago, but now it seems to be haunting me. Again. For the 6th time. Can someone just make it all go away? I'm supposed to have forgotten everything. I'm supposed to have given up on everything. I'm supposed to stop hoping. I'm supposed to be alright.

But i'm not, and i don't know why it still makes me feel this way. I need someone i can talk to. But i don't wanna deprive others the chance to spend their time for more worthy things.

Sigh.

2010-06-02T22:56:00.003+08:00

I've been spending my time everyday telling myself that the prelims are barely 3 weeks away and that i should really really really start studying now. But somehow or rather i can't sit myself down at the desk, open up a book, pick up a pen, and actually get some work done. I don't blame them but my friends aren't exactly helping either. Oh shit, this is reminds me of 2009. Shit. Shit. Shit. I have to detach myself before it's too late. I love my friends. I don't know what they really think about me but even if it's not exactly the most pleasant thought, they still give me a reason to come to school. School is my life. And we all claim that we hate school and the fact that we have to wake up so damn early just to make it before morning assembly starts. But the truth is that we all love school, our friends and maybe some teachers too. I've gotta put my distractions away. Put some of my closer friends aside. At least for now.

Recently there's been a spate of nerf-ness in the class. Ah yes ming kang... God of Influence. Now I kinda wish i went for that nerf gun competition thing last year. Sigh. Looking back at this entire year, i just realized how volatile life can be. The surrounding environment may seem permanent to you now, but if you take a closer look, many things are changing. Cliques are remade, impressions change and certain ill-intentions surface. I don't know what to think sometimes. And when i actually decide to do some thinking, i end up lying to myself. And believing it.

I kinda miss my past lives. All my previous friends. But one thing i noticed was that they all shared one thing in common. They made me feel wanted. Like i was a part of something, and that nothing would ever break us apart. We were supposed to be best friends, never to argue and never to be separated. But look at where we are now. Some of us dont even see eye to eye anymore. You were alright when we were in sec 2. I didn't know you in sec 2, i was too afraid to know you in sec 2, i didn't see the need to know you in sec 2. Do note that all the "you's" you see in the previous sentence are all different people. We were supposed to be the best group of friends in the whole world.

But as time passes by, i guess things are as simple as we thought they'd be. My parents were right, but i was/still am too immature to see the reality of the matter. They've always been the ones supporting me when i needed the support, encouraging me when i felt hopeless, giving me golden advice whenever i was doing the wrong thing. But no, i took all of that for granted and ended up in this sorry state. I guess i could try to console myself by saying " That's life, you live and you learn." But i think sometimes it's best to just face the truth. Be a lil pessimistic once in a while. But doesn't every cloud has a silver lining? And i think mushroom clouds count as well. So amidst this disaster of a life i'm living at this moment, i hope that my silver lining would make it's appearance soon.

Am i doing anything wrong? Am i believing a lie? Will you actually be mine? Ah forget it, i'm just a fat and ugly teenage boy. There are many more suitable fish in the ocean and i'm just the lone mud skipper attempting to live a humble yet exciting life. But i guess not all fairytales come true huh?

2010-05-12T23:23:00.002+08:00

Welcome back, Dylan.

Ah yes. Being back on blogger has it's nostalgic moments, but this return to blogger has brought with it a mission. A mission to success. I intend, with all my heart, to use this blog to reflect on my soul and my very living being. Yes, i am going to use this blog as a mirror and as a platform to propel myself to greater heights, to scale greater cliffs, to fly higher than ever, and to......well you get the picture.

In any case, i resolve to blog every night, be it rain or shine (well it wont make a difference cos i'll be indoors :D), and pen down my day's activities and thoughts. But sensitive stuff won't be posted here. Too sensitive. Sigh.

The past few days have been great though. I find myself focusing better in class, completing assigned assignments and actually FINISHING a majority of it most of the time. But it's still not good enough. I have to pump in more effort and time. Lotsa lotsa time. And that can only mean one thing...one horrible, nasty, painful, gut-wrenching, sickening thing.

Sacrifice.

Many things that have been in my life for at least the past year have to go. Well for now at least.

I can't have lunch before going home everyday, it wastes far too much time and money. Yes, money. I can't visit my friend's homes as often as i did in the past.

Not that i still want to anymore.

I can't play soccer with my friends as much as i did last time and boy, i played A LOT last time. And as i type these next few lines, the vivid memories of my sec 2 classmates and i flood my vision and drag my consciousness to another realm, leaving my fingers to type out what i'm seeing.

I see Jeremy Ow running. Running past Audy whilst skillfully dodging a swift yet futile attempt by Faias to tackle the speeding bull. He dashes into the penalty box and sees an opportunity to take a shot at the goal as i stand there with my legs slightly apart, hands up to my chest, facing outwards, bracing for the impact of the ball on any unfortunate part of my body that Ow might decide to hit. It's at this very moment when Tze Chao comes in and rams the ball away to as far as the eye can see. Ow curses and swears as Chao laughs in triumph while i applaud his comical action that saved my possibly endangered gentials...

Ok back to reality.

Seems to me that all i do nowadays is sigh. But sighing is good. Right? In anycase, i'm still not sure if i should tell everyone that my blog is alive again. I might get an 'Oh really? You sure it won't die again in 2 weeks?' reply, or an 'i know, i read it last night' kind of thing. I guess i'll never really know until i publish this post. Sigh.... Sigh indeed....

2009-09-08T11:41:00.002+08:00

To Whom It May Concern

Hello. My name is Dylan Yeo. 2 years ago I was a cheerful person who was well-liked by most people. I did well in my everyday school life and scored well for my tests and examinations. My family loved me and I barely had memories of getting into severe arguments with any of them.
I liked music and was easily satisfied with whatever I had, brushing aside attempts made by my more wealthy friends to intimidate me with whatever expensive items they had.

I was Happy.

1 year ago I moved to a new class. That very day was a terrible blow to my self esteem. However, seeing as my other (new)classmates were very talkative and humorous, I had free entertainment almost on a daily basis. I even made a few close friends that are still as close, if not closer, as before. And to top that off, I shone brighter as my peers were more playful and thus I clinched a higher position in class as compared to that of the previous year.

Also, as an added bonus, I was at my peak in my CCA. Judo became a part of my life and I loved it. That is the most important thing to consider. Loving what you do. I was fit, I was well known, I was well-liked.

I was Strong.

January 1, 2009.

This year, I feel as though I am slowly fading away from the face of the Earth. No one really cares about what I do now. Things are changing. For the better or worse I am still unsure of. But one thing is certain. The route there will be treacherous and rough. Nothing will be easy. Am I prepared? Will I be able to make it through till the end with a smile on my face?

The past few months have not been easy. Failing tests, late nights, frequent arguments with my loved ones, growing unhealthy and most importantly, losing my smile.

I am no longer the happy, easy-going, joking Dylan that people used to know and love. I want to go back. Please.

This could be the fault of hormones and puberty. But what if it isn't? What if it's just me? I don't expect whoever is reading this to feel pitiful or sad for me. Cause it won't matter. Slowly but surely I am losing the will to carry on. Sometimes I see an image in my head of a bright future of happy faces and strong wills. But I guess our imagination is too perfect.

I am sad

2009-09-07T15:11:00.002+08:00

You'll be surprised

Today marks the start of the study week. Time to give myself a kick in the ass and hit the books.

Woke up at 730am today for chem in school. Although I can't really say it was productive, but it certainly was better than me sleeping all the way til 12pm or even 2pm. After all, i DID sleep at 2am last night... (the power of afternoon coffee).

Anyways, it's time to study. I can't let them down. 120% time.

2009-09-02T19:57:00.003+08:00

Why Don't You Just Go home

I never asked to meet you. Neither did I not want to meet you. This is going to sound a little weird. But I hate how nice you are. How seemingly carefree your life is, albeit the little bumps that dissolve through the week. But alas, there is a huge thorn in my ass.

I don't see how you can live your life like this. How can you do this everyday and not feel guilty. Why drag me into your 'fun' everyday and screw my life up so subtly? I should have listened to her. I should have listened to her. I should have listened to her.

Never did I expect so much to change in such a short time span of about 6-7 months. Why me. I guess this could just be puberty, but I can't blame everything on hormones right? Right. The reason as to why my life is like this is still unknown to mankind, but I have a theory. And that theory is that I'm such an idiot that I can't even control myself. Home is a wonderful place. Home is Sweet, hence the popular phrase," HOME SWEET HOME." But recently Home hasn't really been Sweet. Quite the opposite for that matter. The probability of Death is high, and I am ever so tempted to boost that probability to 100%, but then again, that'd be pretty stupid considering how much I'm risking.

Music was never my 'thing'. But after a certain string of events that occurred, I am suddenly deeply interested in playing the Guitar. That could be my downfall. Along with the Computer, Rock Band 1/2 , Guitar Hero: World Tour etc. Where has my Discipline gone to? Is it under my bed? Is it hidden among my clothes? Could it even be in that dusty shoe box lying in the dark corner of the storeroom? I don't know. I really don't know. As much as I would LOVE to know, I don't. Discipline, I have lost. But the ability to grow a New Discipline still resides within me. It's time to focus now. This is crucial for my future. That much I understand. But it's the Process that really bites me. Sacrifice and concentration aren't a few of my good attributes. But I can try.

How did I turn out like this? WHEN did I turn out like this? WHY did I turn out like this? No idea. But I have to change. For the better. CONCENTRATE. FOCUS. LET IT GO. LET IT ALL GO. I'm sorry guys. But this is the way it was meant to be.

See you again in 30+/- days.

2009-09-01T19:58:00.001+08:00

I tear my Heart open, I sew myself shut.

This is what happens when you mess with nature. Bitch.

It's a crazy world out there. Take care.

2009-07-21T21:21:00.004+08:00

It's a crazy world out there. Take care.

The power of realization is awesome. Especially if you're someone like me who spends half his life spacing out in his head. Although it doesn't show on my face, i'm spaced out alright. The one you see is auto-pilot-Dylan.

I just realized that my toes are crooked.

So yeah. Today was....somewhat eventful. Racial Harmony day today. Last year's celebration was much better than today's. For many reasons. One, last year was more.....enthu. In a sense. If i remember correctly everyone had like almost no lessons on that day and we were all free to roam around the school at our own leisurely pace. THAT is a celebration. That actually makes hanging out in school possible and, actually, enjoyable.

I just realized that i lead a sad life.

Just picked up the guitar again in what, 2 weeks? And tried to learn a couple of new songs. Checked out Zombie by the Cranberries. It's an easy song, i think. Competition's in a few days... sigh... Whatever happened to 'just have fun' man... I miss those days when i was actually.... happy. But i guess i'm wrong. I can never be happy. Not now. Not ever. Sometimes i think that humans aren't meant to be happy. They are built to be vessels of complain and stuff. Even if someone doesnt say it, he or she has something deep deep deep deeeeeep down inside to complain about. No matter how subtle or harsh. Complain. It's forever in you.

I just realized that i am very very very confused now.

However, on a much happier/lighter/nerf-related note, I may be going for a nerf-war (i think that's what it's called) with a couple of friends. It's gonna be fun. Nothing beats plastic wepons and foam projectiles. It's like playing paintball. For 5 year olds. But meh, warfare is warfare. Nothing more, nothing less. Training was slack. But i guess that's all we get when competition is in two days time. I have a really bad feeling about friday. But then again it's always the same old feeling. Year after year, time after time.

I just realized that i can never be like you. Ever.

A wild thought just came to me. It would be so cool. To be able to see what is in my mind on the computer. I mean like would'nt you like to see what you are actually thinking about? That would be the most awesomest thing ever. But nothing can beat flying. Nothing.Comes.Close. (sound familiar? All you avid public-transport users. HAHA) I can imagine getting yelled at by a teacher for something and just dashing out of the classroom, leaping off the ledge, and head for the clouds. Not to mention night flying. Soaring through the cool and crisp night air, admiring the moon from a skyscraper.... Sigh... My sister once told me this," Sometimes our imagination is too perfect." Now i see the logic behind that... A 15-year old boy. Dreaming about Flying. He must be insane?! But that's the gospel truth. I.Want.To.Fly. I can even cry about not being able to fly. It's true....Ten minutes to CSI:NY. Man i love that show... nothing like an hour long show about murders and apprehending criminals to end a long and tiring tuesday night.

I just realized that i need to lose weight. Lots of it.

When someone tells you to take care. What do they mean? Can care be found? Can care be taken? Or is 'care' just a fragment of our imagination? Something that gives us the reason to say," You werent careful enough!" And push the blame to someone else. Oh wells. I'm on auto-pilot now. So i can't guarantee that everything here makes sense.

I just realized that i need a haircut.

So far eight people know my secret. I certainly hope it stays that way. The lesser people know, the better. Looking at my photo albums, i just realized that i have led a good life up til now. It's time to take life by the horns and face it. But sometimes the energy for that is just drained out from my like water leaks from a cracked vase. It's that crappy... Sheesh.

I just realized that i want to hug you. I need to hug you.

I am contemplating making my "adult-milo" now. A concoction of innocent and healthy milo, mixed with the juice of happiness, baileys. Irish cream had never tasted better. But the bottles getting lighter and lighter each time. So i guess it's alcohol rationing time. HAHA.

I just realized that it's 9.52pm.

I wonder what it would feel like to hug a friend. I've hugged a couple of people before but only a few meant something to me. I guess being tall does have it's downsides.... Apparently no one like to hug the lamp post. Sigh...Maybe if i didn't sweat so much or smelt like a human being things'll be different. Or maybe if i was born a girl...THAT would be so screwed.... Sigh...

I just realized that i don't have much of a choice.

Ok, time for CSI:NY to take over my life. Shall blog again when i can. Or feel like it. ttfn.

An Apple a day keeps the doctor away.

2009-07-08T21:51:00.000+08:00

An Apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Oh my Gawd.

Could this be real?

No no no, it can't be...

But this feels so right.

WOOOOO!

Note to self.

2009-07-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hello there swine lovers. This post shall be solely for notes to myself that i have made over time and have conveniently forgotten about. Let it begin.

Notes to self:

Do not jam hips onto railings on buses. It hurts.
Always be on the lookout for low-hanging leaves/tree branches. It sucks when they hit you in the eye.
Always remember to flush after doing business in toilet.
Remain alert when utilizing public transport. Most of them aren't "tall-friendly".
Handle lighters with care. They are hot
Always check for open flies. If not, embarrassment may follow shortly after.
Cyf ends late. Remember to tell mom.
No more catechism sucks. Big time.
Sleeping late and waking early sucks.
I have to grow a pair.
Always consider all options before making an informed decision. Shit.
Never mess with Ben(neo) on the drums. For he will own your ass. Quite similar to the way farmers 'mark' their cows or whatever animals that are on the farm.
Always be gentle with wallets.
Never let yourself be seen by Maria with a bottle of gel. Never.
Getting hit in the balls suck. BIG time.
Camps are cool.
Get guitar restrung.
There will always be homework. Even when you think there isn't
Handphones just aren't the same as they were 2 years ago.
Sister's bed = comfortable.
Treasure your iPod while you can. For it treasures you too.
Always look away when she's wearing THAT shirt.
Burning leg hair is fun. Albeit the stink. But fun.
Stepping on dog shit then stepping into class. Not good.
Music murders me.
And so do people.
Never have too high hopes. Ever.
Apple earphones dont last longer than a year or so.
Always check to see if shirt is worn correctly.
Same with pants.
Farts stink badly if you eat eggs.
After a long time of no sound, uncomfortable silence can be so loud.
Listening to the clock tick in your room is calming.
I have bad eyebags.
Trust is a volatile thing.
Rejection can make you step on a guys foot.
Singing is fun. When you're doing it for fun.
It's possible to be too lazy to sleep.
Happiness is only temporary. Satisfaction is forever.
Always cry self to sleep when sad.
Smiley faces have lost their meaning.
Big Fat Smileys haven't.
Being able to drift in and out of consciousness at will would be awesome.
Being caught between a rock and a hard place is no match for being caught between woihong and a meter-tall pile of shit.
The auntie at Sally's Noodle rocks.

Ok peeps.

45 notes.

Yep, that's all folks.

You can leave now.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!

Don't forget to leave a tag.

Mucho Appreciatos.

Time for some organising.

2009-06-24T18:42:00.001+08:00

Church

Confirmation in 4 days. Gosh, i can feel my balls shrinking already. But despite that, please do not assume that i'm scared or anything, it's just a feeling that triggers the same kind of reaction. How do i describe it in further detail uh.......let's see.........er........uhm....I GOT IT. Imagine you've been lost at sea for 2 weeks straight. No food. No (drinkable)water. Then all of a sudden a rescue boat comes out of no where and pulls you up, wraps you in a warm towel and gives you a cup of coffee. The ball-shrinking should happen between the time when you see the boat and when you land your ass on it. This, however, only applies to guys. As for girls.... i am not 100% clear. Yet.

I can't believe that i'm actually gonna be reading again for another sacrament... I mean like come on, have a little variety of people man. Not to mention how much of a bad reader i am. There are plenty of better-speaking fish in the barrel, why'd the hook have to come for me? Oh wells, the Lord works in mysterious ways. meh.

Am kinda excited for the confirmation song. The last time i sang into a microphone with a group was....around 5 years ago. Before puberty broke my harp and turned it into a blender. Yeah, it's that bad. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, i'm going to be singing with a whole bunch of people, so i guess it wont be too bad. Either that or the badness is gonna be amplified, but let's not hope for that eh... think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.

Was talking to Cherie the other night and after that conversation i feel somewhat ~~insignificant~~ weird when i see people like Adriel, Amanda, Brenda, Cherie, Kenneth, Maria, Daniel and Joshua (just to name a few) do what they do. Adriel, Amanda and Maria can play the piano. Brenda, Cherie (ok lah, i include kenneth OK?)and kenneth can play the clarinet. Kenneth can play the violin like that.....woman...something storm? I dunno. Haha. Musical retardation alert.
Maria and Amanda can play the guitar. Joshua dances like a butterfly on drugs. And Daniel can do so many things that words alone aren't enough to describe it. Cards, Lighters. Jeez.
I'm kinda proud to know that there are so many talented people in my class, although i cant do nuts. Haha.

So..yeah. Cath class is ending. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. Ok maybe some people with power underneathe their fingernails can, but nothing a regular joe like me can do. Saturdays are gonna be that much more meaningless. But things'll come, and i'll take them. Anyday.

School

Ah yes, the dreaded school.... Since the school holidays or "study break" as adults call it, began, I haven't had the ability to drag my ass to the desk, lift the pile of papers to the table, painstakingly pick a pen up, and do so much as to write my name. Yes, it's that bad. And to top it all off, Influenza A/swine flu/ H1N1 is giving me mixed feelings. Will school close? Will it mutate into a more lethal strain? Will I get it? Will anyone i care about get it? Will we all die? I dont know, i dont care. As long as school's closed, i'll smile. The stupid VE project is screwed. I mean, 15k in 3 months.... Insanity. But that's what NTH advised us to do. Think big. Dream big. I sure hope that doesn't lea to big screwups and big problems. Oh wells. I guess all i can do now is go to school.... Sheesh. More stringent medical procedures are gonna be put in place in school. Temp checks at gates. Twice-daily temp checks. Soon enough we'll have people suffocating themselves in biohazard suits and hide in an airlock room...

Paranoia. What to do?

I guess this is it for this post. I don't blog often. For obvious reasons. Ok maybe not so obvious. But whatever. Haha....

Cool guys don't look at explosions.

2009-06-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

Just started watching Hell's Kitchen. Heard it was good. At least that's what my sister claims. Now i'm trying to blog in 15 mins cos House is starting at 10pm. This post is for the many people who claim my blog is dead.

THIS BLOG IS NOT DEAD! (yet)

So yeah. Holidays are Jam-packed with trainings and stuff... But then again i have other commitments. Like Church and School etc etc. Sometimes i think my life's a mess. A total disaster.
But then again, it has it's happy moments. BUT then again, the bad things outnumber the good a hundred to one. One of the many reasons why i blog is cos i'm bored. Another one is cos Cherie, Amanda (yes, both of you) and Maria and other peeps want me to blog. It's all futile anyway. I mean, come on, face the truth. This.blog.will.die.(eventually).

On a brighter note, I went to Maria's house on Sunday to practise the song that we're gonna be singing. I must say, everyone has gone a long way. Especially Amanda. Pumping in all that effort and brain juice to come up with such an excellent song takes talent. Natural talent. Pity i'm musically retarded. So i can forget about getting a job that is, in any way, related to music.

So yeah, we left for Maria's house after Mass, Warden's Meeting and Emm practice. That day, was the very first day i actually touched an electric guitar. It's so.....complicated. Knobs here, switches there. Sigh.... Called mom to ask if i could skip tuition. Surprisingly, she let me skip. The little boy in my was like, leaping for joy. HAHAHAHAHHAAAHA. We then recorded the song using kenneth's handphone. Sending it to ben for approval. Haha... This is the first time in a long long long long long long long(try 5 years) that i've performed on stage for singing. Haha.... I'm not sure if i'm gonna pass out of throw up. Whichever comes first. Which reminds me, i haven't gotten my confirmation clothes yet.... Hmm... all white.... gonna feel like snow white. Haha....

To my great disappointment, the I.T show is over. Thanks for breaking the news to me Ben(neo).... I really appreciate it....Oh wells, i guess i just have to order it off the net. HAHA. BUT Ben(neo) said that there's a new one coming out in 3 months.... SIAN...

Oh, and you must be wondering what the title of this post has to do with anything by now. It's this stupid video that Ben(neo) told me to watch. And i dont regret watching it. It's stupid, yet entertaining enough that you can watch it repeatedly and not get tired of the same old words. HAHAHAHHA. Ok, gonna watch House now, Blog another time. MUHAHAHAHAH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqz5dbs5zmo

Here's the link to that vid.

Act 1:3-8

2009-06-03T19:28:00.000+08:00

~Jesus had shown himself alive to the apostles his Passion by many demonstrations. For forty days he had continued to appear to them and tell them about the kingdom of God. When he had been at table with them, he told them not to leave jerusalem, but to wait there for what the father had promised. "It is," he had said, "what you have heard me speak about: John baptized with water but you. not many days from now, will be baptized with the Holy Spirit

Now having met together, they asked him, " Lord, has the time come? Are you going to restore the kingdom to Israel?" He replied, "It is not for you to know times or dates that the Father has decided by his own authority, but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and then you will be my witnesses not only in Jerusalem but throughout Judea and Samaria, and indeed to the ends of the earth"

The word of the Lord~

That, my friends, is what is going to be coming out of my mouth on the 28th June 2009. I'll probably be quaking underneath my....uh...whatever i'm going to be wearing on that day.

Confirmation. I've never really given much thought to it till today. During the past 9 or so years the only reason why i attended catechism was friends and, well, "family support". The teachers came and went. They spoke of biblical passages and parables, miracles and Holy wonders, the Power of the Love of God and other teachings.

But what the teachers 3 years ago failed to do was to successfully relate to the students. Maybe it's just because they're adults and stuff, but something about their looks reminded me of, well, teachers. When the new batch of teachers took over our classes, they brought along with them a sense of change, something...different. They bore the young faces that would reflect what we would potentially become. In previous years it was all text book this text book that. However, when the sec 1 term started, we were issued notebooks. Notebooks that would eventually be filled to the (almost) brim with frenzied scribbling of beatitudes and Commandments and funny doodles almost 3 years later.

Sigh...Memories...

I still vaguely remember the days when i spent my Sunday mornings laughing and talking with a few of my closest buddies. Days when the guys and the girls were separated like oil and water. Days when i would actually be told to shut up(but nicely, of course) when i talked too much. Days which i didn't treasure enough.

Shocking, though, that so much has changed since then. Maybe all that was needed to make the class grow together was a catalyst in the form of a camp. I don't recall there every being a class camp where we could ACTUALLY sit down and talk. Or at least try to. Now the girls and the guys see eye to eye. Cracking jokes here and there.

Oh wells, i guess confirmation isn't really an end, but the beginning of a new chapter in my catholic life. A new stage of the game commonly known as life.

~amen~

Confusion.

2009-01-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

Sitting on my chair, staring at my computer,
Checking out a map, looking for a detour.
The fan's blowing at my wet hair, I'm reading a magazine,
Oh dear, look at the time, it's already half past seventeen.
Sprint to the washing machine 5 feet away,
falling down while cursing my dismay.

Getting up i see a mirror,
Falling again, down a sewer.
In complete darkness i try to find my way,
Only feeling slimy algae.
Tiny light at the end of the tunnel,
Take me into your safety bubble.
What's this feeling on the back of my neck?
Crap! I think my back just snapped!

Crawling along the slimy floor,
I look up and see a door.
Cut into the wood it says,
'You will never find your way'.
Downhearted and crushed, i turn away,
Hoping for a better day.

Light pours into the sewer,
revealing many more hidden riddles.
Door to door my eyes scan,
Looking for a positive man.
One door catches my eye,
But a second later it passes me by.
Puzzled and baffled, i try to stand,
only to fall down in a pile of sand.

Waves crash on the sandy shore,
Sigh, this is really such a bore.
No more drinks for me tonight,
For the moon doesn't shine to bright.
Switch the computer on,
As i take out my freshly steamed corn.
Take a bite,
And start a fight.

By now you are probably wondering,
'What is has this guy been pondering?'
Well, i only have one thing to put your mind at bay,
This is the life i live, day by day.

Acceptance

2009-01-26T00:11:00.000+08:00

Can i accept the fact that i can't have everything the world has to offer?
Can i accept the fact that i can't be who everyone else is?
Can i accept the fact that my life is not perfect?
Can i accept the fact that i can't have the nicest house?
Can i accept the fact that i can't eat the most luxurious of foods?
Can i accept the fact that i may not be the best looking guy amongst my peers?
Can i accept the fact that i may not live the most perfect life of all time?

The answers to all of the above? It depends. On me.

Who are you?

2009-01-25T00:32:00.000+08:00

You have the perfect smile. You have the perfect eyes. You have the perfect laugh. You have the perfect hair. You have the perfect skin. Who are you?

You are the most tender being on Earth, no wait, the Universe. You have the body of an Angel. Who are you?

You speak as gentle as a feather is landing on a lily pad, creating soft ripples that extend to the far ends on the oceans. Who are you?

You look at me with eyes that make my cold, steel heart change into a warm and living organ of life. Your very voice makes my senses tingle with excitement. Who are you?

You brighten my day by being around me. You talk to me when I am troubled, even though I show no signs of being disturbed. You read me like an open book as easily as a person opening a door with recently greased hinges. Who are you?

You baffle my mind with the things you do. You confuse me with the things that you don't. Who are you?

You make me think of things that were impossible in the past. You make me do things i would never do in the past. You make me think of my past and help me forget. You give me reason to live. Who are you?

You exist in only one form, but you hide yourself from me. You persistently run away, attempting to avoid my grasps. However, subconsciously, you want me, you need me. Who are you?

You look at me and say things that mean more to me than other words anyone else says. You make me see things previously hidden. Who are you?

You give me support. You give me life. You give me your all. You give me your soul. I give you my heart. I give you my mind. I give you my very being. I give you my everything.

You give me all that you have, and i give you all that i have. But, who are you?

It could always be worse.

2009-01-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

So yeah, my last blog post was 5 days ago, I've been really busy with school and stuff... Triple science's a bitch sometimes. Alrighty, time to get down to business. Sec 1 orientation camp was fun. Main highlight of the camp was the campfire. It really got everyone high and excited with shouts and cheers going everywhere. The fire was lit by Mr Marcel Lee, but in a less flashy manner than i expected. He just took a stick that was lit at the end and threw it into the center of the pit. I remember my last campfire being lit by metal-flaming 'flying foxes' that slid into the pit from the 3rd floor. That was awesome. So anyway, i shall now pen (or in this case, type) out what happened on the 2 days of camp.

Day 1
Woke up at 5.30am to get ready for school. Met Samuel downstairs at 6.30am. Went to school and found quite a few people outside the SLC room like Jean , Theo, SamJt and others i can't remember. haha. I took 1E2 along with (in my opinion) THE GREATEST PEOPLE EVER!!! They're Agartesh, Zeon and JiaHao but took one half of the class with Zeon. Hmm.... Zeon. Nice name. Nicer guy.

Volunteered to hold up signs that had the class printed on it and stand in the hall to let the sec 1s get into their classes when they came into the hall with all their bags and barang-barangs. There were a few sec 1s who brought luggages. Like those trolley bag luggages. Haha. Stood there for about half an hour or so, only being allowed to sit when the teacher instructed us to do so. One characteristic i observed about the sec 1s this year. They are very small. Compared to previous generations of sec 1s and they are really really quiet. Ok yeah, back to the topic. So we split them up into their respective groups and brought them down for ice-breakers, flag making, group name making, and cheer making. Spent the bulk of the time given on ice-breakers though.

Next thing i knew~~ you know what? I just decided not to blog about the camp. Maybe cos i'm too lazy, or cos i forgot everything. Lawl....

Ok now scratch that, let's get down to some recent news. Met my new class on monday (missed first day cos of sec 1 orientation) and boy do they suck. Ok maybe not all, but they are quite quiet... But i guess this is all for the better. I remember wishing my class would shut up in secondary 1, but now i wish they would have more of a soul than a rock.

Am currently missing my old friends. Miss their crazy antics. I miss Pun for his randomness. I miss Ow for his constant sleeping in class and getting his bag taken away. I miss Bryan for his stoning. So even if you didnt play a significant part in class, or even if you were an asshole, I MISS YOU ALL.

So yeah, school's weighing me down. Killing my sleep. But i guess it'll take some getting used to. And besides, its just the beginning of the year. It should get better. Sigh... triple science isnt something to mess around with. And nerds too. They can make you feel like taking a shit in their mouths. But i guess that's just me exaggerating.

Oh, and i'm the bio rep and pe rep/sports leader for my class. I didnt choose the sports leader thing. Mr Goh just called my name out and there you go, pe rep for 3E1. Now i gotta get my books that i couldnt get cos they were out of stock.... and the green ring files for my class.

Somehow or rather, i feel like i have deproved during the holidays. It seems that i'm actually struggling to keep up with my studies. This shouldnt be the case, but it certainly feels like it...

Alright, i gota go. Got some chinese to do, a little maths to solve. I'll blog again when i have the time.... if i even get it....

The Final Countdown.

2009-01-01T19:03:00.000+08:00

I guess it's a little late, but it's still the 1st of jan so..... HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, back to the day. Left home yesterday evening at 7pm for new years party/countdown at club. I actually expected more people to attend the party cos there were much much more people last year... But we still had fun though. Playing hide-and-seek in pitch blackness is fun, especially with light sticks and flashlights, Taboo is one helluva game to be reckoned with, telling ghost stories at 12 am is kewl, having numerous bottles of drinks is awesome, and the attempt to watch a movie turned out horrible.

A little take-home pointers on how to not screw up a party
- Always make sure you have items to clean up after the party of in case of a mishap
- Plan the activities beforehand to avoid confusion and last minute plans
- Get utenstils (VERY IMPT!!!)

Ok, so that was a rough summary of what happened between 7pm on 31st of Dec 2008 to 1.30am on the 1st of Jan 2009. Moving on to when the sun rose, i was woken up by my phone alarm at 8am, but i inevitably fell asleep again and woke up again only at 11.30am. It was then that i realised that i had arranged to meet my friends at 12pm. So i panicked my ass off my bed and sms-ed/called my friends. Turns out they were ALL still at home. So we decided to meet at 1.45pm at Plaza Singapura instead to cath YES MAN. Great show, Great laughs, Great way to kill time.

Met Marco, Ian and Theo at the Mrt station and Marco gave me a hug, wishing me happy new year. To some people it may seem very inappropriate for a guy to hug another guy. But i felt that it was one of the warmest gesture that i have received. It was the only hug i got (other than my mom's) that actually had a warm glow of love around it and it meant alot to me. Thanks marc :)

We got our tickets for the 2.05pm show at 2pm and Ian and i got a drink each. Marco wanted popcorn but we already left the queue so...yeah. Although we got crappy seats, the show was good enough to override the crappy-ness.

The show ended at around 4pm and everyone was hungry, so we decided to hit Carls jr for a meal. I got the Guacamole burger, Marco and Theo got the Superstar and Ian didn't eat anything apart from the few fries he took from Marco. After lunch/dinner we went down to the mrt to go home. Missed a train just for fun. Boarded the second train and marco, ian and i left theo when we got off at potong pasir to slack. Bought bubble tea at some shop with an uber weird shop keeper.. Kept barking for nothing, if i didn't know any better, i'd say he was on drugs.

So anyways, we headed to the spiderweb thingy next to the Potong Pasir CC to slack around whilst sucking bubble tea. There was this group of china peoples there. 2 kids and one female adult(prolly their mom). The kids were playing badminton and the mother was just sitting there. Then when ian made one comment (oi boy!), the kid just kept spewing vulgarites (although he is no match for ian) whenever the shuttlecock landed near us. It was a little insulting and piss-ifying but it was mostly hilarious. We laughed at his futile attempts to insult us and piss us off. Whutanoob... But what was funny-er was Ian's conversation on the phone. There is no other person in the world that can hold a conversation like Ian...

By then it was late, so we decided it was time to go. Ian got a pack of redbull(6 cans) on the way and got some really old 5 dollar note as change. Then Ian told us that he was really late and ran off without us. So Marco and i walked to the bus stop where his bus came almost immediately and i was left alone to wait for the bus.

Reached home at around 6pm and took a shower and here i am blogging the rest of the night away. Have to wake up early tomorrow cos am involved in sec 1 orientation. LONG PANTS BABEH!!! Ok, gotta pack now. i'll blog about the camp when i can!

why..why...why..

Exposure.

2008-12-31T15:21:00.000+08:00

Well, due to the many suggestions of me setting up a blog to kill my boredom (and complaining of how bored i am), i have now set up a blog. But i have a gut feeling that this blog will die within the first half of 2009. Until then, i will do whatever i can that is within my power to keep this blog alive. And please feel free to tag on the tagboard, it really helps when i try to keep it alive and kicking.

I just realised, my blog posts can never be as long as Marco's or Aaron's cos my days aren't really always that eventful. Holidays have given me the chance to search myself for what i really want to do and what i was made for. But i always end up more confused than i already was, which led me to think about unthinkable things.

The holidays have also given me an opportunity to look at my life from another point of view. I used to always beg my mother to let me play soccer with my friends after school or watch a movie with my friends when i was in primary school. When i look at that, and compare it with my current life, i saw how much my life has changed. From being this small, innocent, little boy that always wanted to spend time outside with his friends, to the mature person that now knows what should or should not be done (although not all the time). I see how much trust i have gained and how much freedom i have attained. I see how much larger my circle of friends have. I see how much i have changed physically, mentally and spiritually. But having one's eyes open does'nt always mean it's a good thing. Having more exposure to the outside world has shown me how dangerous the world is and how careful i should be when doing things. But i guess that this applies to everything in life.

I guess every minute, every second in life is a lesson, with exposure as the teacher and the world as a classroom. One moment i can be sulking over what i don't have and the next i can be the happiest person on Earth.

Alright, I guess this ends my first post on sealed-boxes. Stay tuned for updates! :)